Date No4:  Breaking the Rules.

I am not keen on chatting online.  Some would opt to get to know others via long exchanges of messages, I on the other hand prefer to meet you in person over coffee at a public place of my choosing.

I have at least more than 10 threads of on going messages on a dating app, some would eventually lead to coffee, others would just disappear.  When a conversation stops after three days of no exchanges i dutifully click the “unmatch” button.

I have been exchanging messages with Date No4 – let’s call him D (how appropriate as his name indeed starts with D)- for over a week before we finally decided to meet for coffee.  He’s only in town for 9 days!  Here I am again with the long distance matches. (How weird am I?)

I have been very busy with work and is applying for a promotion – a role that i really wanted to do since I can remember.  However, I managed to squeeze meeting D on Thursday after a work event and on the eve of my presentation.  I don’t know why I did that maybe because I was so tensed with my presentation that I needed a breather.

Here’s the surprise, he’s hotter in person!  5 years younger, yes I am now officially a MILF (shucks!).  We had a good coffee conversation going albeit really short as I have to go home and do my slides and he needs to go party with friends.  The club scene is not my cup of tea.

We’ve managed to talk about work and relationships.  We exchanged messages after that first meet up/date.  Our messages were fun, and we seemed to hit off.  We tried to set up another date (despite of my crazy schedule) – which was last night.

It did not work out as I expected it to be.  It was awkward.  I was too embarassed to ask for what I want.  I love kisses, he does not seem to care if I get one.  He was lazy and a little bit selfish.  In short, it was lousy and a little bit traumatic.  He was so detached after the experience that I mirrored his actions and acted that he does not exist either.

Do I feel bad after?  A bit.  This the first time I did something that is a total disconnect of who I am and what I believe a woman of substance should act like.

I am not really sure about that anymore though.  I am not even sure if I really wanted to find Love or I just liked the thrill of dating.  One thing I do know for sure, I need to be kissed like I deserved to be kissed.

I have to put the breaks on my dating spree for now and focus on my presentation this Friday.  As of the moment I still choose career over Love.  And I doubt that’s going to change soon.

Maybe this is the answer as to why I choose to date someone who is not close by but those who happen to live oceans aways from me and is here only temporarily- for the moment.  Maybe I am only chasing moments  and not the forever ones.

I am not sure.  But I will find out once this experiment is over.

As for D, I deleted his number.  So far, I have not received any message from him after I left.  I don’t expect to receive one either. It would be best if we won’t keep in touch.  I really did not like how crappy he handled the situation – even if he’s claiming to be sick and all.

People lie all the time.  I refuse to be lied to so it’s better if we just don’t talk anymore.

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