I have forgotten the reason why i decided to stop dating for two years and was reminded this morning. I could not handle the rejection, the doubts, the agony of waiting and the unrequited feelings. It was something that I do not want to feel again – ever.
But I am a stubborn woman and once i plant an idea in my head, I will pursue it with passion. I am giving myself today to sulk and think of changing how I view dating and this experience in the first place.
Let me tell you about Date No 2, let’s call him B. I saw B’s profile on Ok Cupid. He wrote a fun profile. I was not physically attracted to him at first because he sported a beard and I prefer my men to be clean shaven, but then the humor had me in. Since I needed a date, I decided to make the first move and sent him a message. It actually took him 3 days to reply to my message. He was still flying en route to Manila when he replied. The delay in response he mentioned was that he rarely check the site.
I did not regret that decision. I am not sure whether or not it was the wine ( we consumed three bottles of wine!) but somewhere between 10:00 – 11:00 PM, I was looking at his eyes and thinking that B is actually very attractive. He’s got wonderful eyes, a bit self absorbed as he domimated most of the conversation. I can say I have shared very few things about myself in the five hours that we were talking. That should have been a red flag, huh? Obviously not interested. But during first dates I usually let the other peson talk. Good communication is 90% listening, 10% talking.
The date went really well. He was not rude or mean. He didn’t take advantage. He walked me to my car and then we hugged to say goodbye. I am blaming the wine because I remember leaning over and cupping his face and then kissed him on the mouth. My first kiss after almost 1000 days. He kissed really nice. There was no mention of when we are going to see each other again, only the assumption that we are going to see each other again.
Now herein lies my dilemma. I do not know how to wait. I want to know what the next step is. Are we going to see each other again? When? Should i just not expect that? But I wanted him to see me again. My first mistake: I sent him a message the next day and asked if he wanted to go out for coffee. He blew me off. He replied to my message after 4hours but if you’re going to check on the time stamp when he got to read my message it was minutes after it was delivered. In short he lied and came up with an excuse about how his phone was charging and he was not able to see it. Blah. Blah. And then totally ignored me after. Ouch!
I don’t understand why men would lie about not wanting to go out with you ever again. I am 38 years old, I do not have the time to play mind games. Isn’t it more polite to just say, “Miss, you were really good company at dinner last night, unfortunately I do not see myself having a second date with you.” I believe that is the proper thing to do. But they never say that do they?
But then again, it was not his fault if he does not like me as much. Everyone have their own preferences. It just so happened that I was not his type.
When i started writing about Date No2, i was subconsciously thinking of analyzing my actions, what I did wrong etc etc, but now I realized that I should not change who I am. This is who I am now. I have a very strong personality, I know what I want and how to pursue those things with passion. If I happen to like you be glad that I did because it meant that I have already wasted time checking you on Google and Facebook. And time is something that I do not like to waste as I have so little time for myself as it is.
In my heart I really believe that “someone” is out there who will understand me. Strong personality and all.
In the meantime, I have to recoup and nurse my bruised ego.
This finding Love thing is one crazy, scary social experiment. I hope i’d get out of this happy and shining not shattered and bleeding.
Oh in case you are wondering, i followed The Rules. I did not sleep with him. I wanted to (I made that decision by 12:00 midnight) if there was a fourth date.. But oh well.. Almost but not quite.