Confessions of a Drug Addict

Hi, my name is Irene, and i am a drug addict.

Wait! Before you drag my fat ass to a drug rehab center, read this first  will you?

I am not really sure what triggered my obsession and fixation with my weight.  All i know is that I’ve been messing with it since early puberty.  Messing with drugs that promises weight loss when i turned eighteen.

I was a skinny child,  “mukhang dugyutin and sipunin”.  My grandmother would often force me to eat vegetables.  I usually deceive her by just moving the vegetables around my plate. I really don’t like eating those green leafy thingy, especially the slimy ones! Since i have this very small face, (in show business they call it – palanggana, plato, palatito – the smaller your face is, the better) i’d often hear her say “Sus dai, pagkaon intawon og utan, kay imong nawong o, mura nag kutsarita.”   As translated : Child, do eat your vegetables, you already have a face the size of a teaspoon.

And then, the summer of ’88.  Puberty!  I suddenly have the body of a high school girl at 11! My hips expanded, i have breasts! (which by the way, stopped growing when i reached 14 – sob!)  My hips on the other hand, never stopped expanding. Another sob.  And then, i started gaining weight.  When i look at old pictures of myself in high school, i wasn’t really fat, i just had this very wide hips that made me look fat.  I have an aunt who’d always tease me about my hips, and would scare me that i’d grow more wider when i have kids (which is true – from 34 in high school, it’s now ???, don’t bother, the number is pretty much obscene for a hip size).

Thus the blossoming of my love hate relationship with food.  I started skipping breakfast in third year, a glass of MILO or milk will do, messing up my metabolism.  I’d launch into this frantic fasting every time i feel  my hips  getting wider.  The beginnings of my Yo Yo dieting .  In college, i discovered beer, which of course resulted in me having abs, you know, that beer belly that you can tuck like a shirt when you happen to sit down. The funny thing about this is that, i never reached beyond 115 lbs.,still within the ideal weight of a 5’3″ frame.  I never spent my allowance on cafeteria food because id rather buy tons of Slim Fast.  All of these futile ,because i wasn’t  losing any weight .  The only time i can remember being really skinny (w/out even damn trying) was when i was dating David.  The summer of 97.  I was 19, skinny, and beautiful! And then I got fat, again…Sob!.

Twenty-One.  Here comes Bangkok Pills.  And they were pretty expensive.  Did i lose weight? hell yeah. I couldn’t sleep, i don’t want to eat, i have no appetite, and I was always thirsty.  But still, wasn’t skinny enough.  Exercise?  I ran, everyday for two weeks, and then stopped.  I was too lazy, and the results were too slow.  Id choose the pills.  Who wouldn’t?  Come on, be honest, we all want quick fixes.  The funniest thing I can remember about this episode in my life was how id wrap those pills in aluminum foil, wrap it again in black garbage bag, stuff it in a box of clothes and send it to California for my cousin (who is also weight obsessed) via good old Johnny Air Cargo. After the bangkok pills, i was back to my fasting and bingeing phase.  But, I was never bulimic.

Enter Pearl White.  As introduced by my counterpart, Joan.  Hell, we were even selling pearl white on retail.  Negosyo. Business.  Did it work? Of course.  What “suspicious” looking diet pill doesn’t?  What did i feel? Palpitation, dry mouth, difficulty sleeping, absolutely no appetite, and always thirsty.

Drum roll for Xenical (Orlistat).  This did not work for me, it made me gain weight. You know why, i was always eating.  My rationale was i’d remove it later anyway.  Seeing slow results, I stopped.  And then another “suspicious” looking diet pill – Slimina.  I lost weight.  But not enough.

Sibutramine (Reductil) – this drug is simply the best if you want to lose weight really fast.  The downside is, it will make you feel crazy! Aning-Aning.  Depressed.  Even the mundane details in your life are expounded exponentially.  Those little things that usually don’t irritate you became very irritating.  You wanted to snap at every person who said something that you don’t agree with.  There is no reasoning with you.  And the depression is at its worst!

I can compare.  So don’t do drugs.  Unless you are willing to take the risk of being crazy. A loony.  Alone.  By the way all those “suspicious” looking diet pills? I believe all of them have amphetamine content ( i suppose).  They’re not even BFAD approved.

And oh, i have also tried this: two weeks of almost not eating ( near starvation) – a pack of skyflakes a day, more than 3 cups of coffee, and smoking a pack a day.  I lost 10 lbs in two weeks.  I DO NOT RECOMMEND THIS! .. and there were other circumstances that was in play with my life and diet back then.

STICK WITH A DAILY EXERCISE ROUTINE! that’s the best way to go about losing weight.  I you’re like me, then my dear, we have a problem.  We need help.

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